Man guarantees sex will never happen again by calling it ‘totes amazeballs’

A MAN has guaranteed that sex is over forever by describing his latest experience as ‘totes amazeballs’.

Tom Booker and his partner were basking in a post-coital glow when he made the declaration and immediately ensured the intercourse would be his last with anyone.

Booker’s former lover Nikki Hollis said: “Looking back, I should have seen it coming. I’d already heard him say something was ‘cray’ and something else was ‘lmao’.

“When he said ‘totes amazeballs’ my ovaries sort of turned off until I’d made my excuses as to why I could never see him again.”

Professor Henry Brubaker from the Institute for Studies said: “The only 100 percent safe method of contraception is abstinence, and the only 100 percent way to ensure abstinence is using phrases like ‘totes amazeballs’.

“This is sad Mr Booker, but good for everyone else.”