A MAN who has been with the same woman for two decades is unable to think of new content to write in her birthday card, it has emerged.
Husband Joe Turner has been struck by a bout of writer’s block as he desperately tries to jot down some vaguely original romantic words for his long-term wife, Lauren.
He said: “Expressing how I felt was a piece of piss when we first got together. But after 20 years of birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day cards I’ve covered everything. When you put all that together it’s basically a novel.
“I’ve said how lucky she makes me feel, ditto how she’s my soulmate. Her inner and outer beauty has been ticked off multiple times, so what does that leave? I could compliment her parking or tell her I really like her shepherd’s pie, but they feel like odd things to bring up.
“Christ, I’ve been staring at this card for so long that even ‘happy birthday’ is starting to sound hackneyed. I know, I’ll get the ball rolling by writing ‘To Lauren’ and ‘Love Joe’ along with some kisses, that should kick-start my imagination.
“F**k. No, still nothing. Think, Joe, think, your marriage depends on this.”
Wife Lauren said: “I stopped reading Joe’s cards 15 years ago. There are only so many hours in the day and I got the gist after the first few.”