AN ARSEHOLE is not nearly hot or wealthy enough to justify his prickish behaviour, it has been confirmed.
Josh Hudson, 42, from Bristol, is a four-out-of-ten in both looks and personality but still carries himself with the swagger of a man who believes he has a lot to offer.
Colleague Emma Bradford said: “The way he goes on you’d think he looks like Brad Pitt, or was at least minted, but the truth is he’s got a face like a dog’s arse and drives a 22-year-old Nissan Micra.
“He hasn’t grasped the fundamental rule of life that says people will only tolerate bellends when they’re really good looking or absolutely loaded. Because who’s going to take that sort of shit from someone who’s ugly and broke?
“He asked me out once. I told him to get stuffed and he just laughed and said ‘Your loss, babe’. I could almost admire him for his colossal ability for self-delusion, if it didn’t make him a massive wanker.”
Friend Stephen Malley said: “He’s always been an arrogant twat, despite having precisely nothing to back it up with.
“Why am I friends with him? Mostly because I also have a tendency to be a bit of an arse, and he makes me look like a humble, pleasant person by comparison.”