A BOYFRIEND who thought he would quickly see what his partner gets up to online failed to comprehend the sheer volume of inane daily correspondence, he admitted.
Joshua Hudson’s search for incriminating messages foundered in the first WhatsApp group, where after frantic scrolling he had still not got past a lengthy discussion of that morning’s brunch.
Joshua said: “I was on the prowl for dick pics, inappropriate flirtation or any discussion of how great I am. I was confronted with ongoing notifications from three hen do chats, the main group chat, and multiple splinter groups discussing all the other chats.
“These are allegedly her closest friends who she tells everything to, but it was mostly about food, which actresses would play them in movies of their lives, or links to properties they can’t afford on RightMove.
“Her email was a deluge of astrology, tarot readings and offers on beauty products. Her Instagram was an endless parade of identical anodyne hot people, but so is everyone’s.
“I tried searching for men’s names and thought I’d finally found something incriminating, but it turned out to be a discussion about which of Rory’s boyfriends in Gilmore Girls is hottest that had been going on since March. At that point I called it a day.”
Girlfriend Lauren Hewitt said: “I snooped on his phone during fantasy football season once, and I’ve happily never been back since. Having profoundly dull friends with too much spare time has built wonderful trust between us.”
