A MIDDLE-AGED man is feeling oddly downhearted after buying an expensive limited edition box set of music by the favourite band of his youth.

Tom Logan, a 48-year-old systems analyst, spent £312.99 on a box containing all of Oasis’s studio albums on double gold vinyl, with all the good early ones remastered and an exclusive Polaroid of Liam Gallagher flicking the Vs to paparazzi in 1997.

Logan, whose unfulfilling job gives him a high disposable income, will never open the packaging of his purchase because to do so would affect the highly-collectible geegaw’s resale value and he can listen to them on Spotify anyway.

Instead he has placed it on a tragic shelf alongside his special edition U2 retrospective vinyl set with Bono-cock-shaped data-dildo, a Brian Eno anniversary unicorn and a presentation case containing Neil Young’s smegma.

He said: “I’m fairly sure this box set contains a magical portal back to my youth, when I had hair and fancied my wife. If only I could open it without downgrading it from ‘near mint’ to ‘excellent’.

“I ordered it specially from my local independent record store, where I suspect the young and attractive staff laugh at me behind my back.

“But, if nothing else, I suppose it is good to financially support ageing musicians already far wealthier than I am who will shortly sell their back catalogues to hedge funds for £1 billion.”