Man using dating app acting like he has standards

A MAN has allowed his use of a dating app to convince himself that he has any standards whatsoever. 

Martin Bishop, from Bedford, joined Tinder and, given the illusion of free will, chose to decide he was better than swiping right on literally any woman when he definitely is not.

He said: “I can’t just be dating anyone. That’s not how the Bish rolls. Not anymore.

“So I’ve swiped past several girls who if I’d seen in a nightclub after a few I’d think were out of my league, past those girls at work you fancy when hungover, past all the fours and fives.

“This is a new era for me. No more settling. On personality, and perhaps slightly less on looks, I deserve to be shopping from the very top shelf.

“If it means waiting for Bedford’s Emily Ratajkowski to come along, I’ll wait. My days of going off with the first munter who comes along are over.”

Later that evening, Bishop created a new Tinder profile and swiped right on everyone he had skipped before, but still received no matches.

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What are you interrupting to check your phone?

ARE you being annoying enough about obsessively checking your phone? Here are some great situations to rudely interrupt.


Whether you’re at work or in the pub, people love it when you suddenly completely blank them to check your phone. Definitely give the impression they are incredibly boring to talk to and a text about your Vodafone account is more interesting.


You could be at a part of the film where something hugely relevant to the plot is about to be revealed – but what about that thing you posted on Facebook a few hours ago? Has it still only got two likes? It’s best to pause the film or walk out of the cinema to check.


If you’re cooking a meal you’ve got to stay on top of it, so definitely go on Instagram for half an hour looking at nothing in particular and only remember it when the fire alarm goes off. If eating out, it’s good to let others know that work emails are more scintillating company than them.

Watching TV

Drive partners and friends up the wall by spending the entire programme finding out what random strangers on the internet think of it and telling them. Then have the nerve to ask what’s happening because you’ve not been paying attention, ideally during the gripping ending.


You’d think with sex you’d have to pay attention all the time, but you can still slip in a sly glance at your phone if you keep it well hidden. Or claim to be expecting a very important email so you can stop for a bit and go on Twitter.