Friday, 4th December 2020

Man with long-winded explanation of why he's single just a twat

A MAN with a long, detailed explanation as to why he has chosen to be single is in fact just a bellend, it has emerged.

Tom Booker has been single for four years and has a whole list of reasons for his bachelorhood, none of which touch upon his blatantly awful personality.

He said: “Where do I even begin? First, I barely have any time to go on the many, many dates I’m invited on. I work long, unsociable hours, sometimes until 7pm on a weekday.

“Women are clearly intimidated by my successful career. Most women these days are too feminist to go out with a man who is blatantly better at his job than they are.

“The next barrier is probably how witty I am. I could easily be a stand-up comedian, and because women aren’t funny that’s a real barrier for them.

“Finally, there’s looks. There’s been a backlash against rugged, traditionally handsome men, but I’m sorry, I’m just not one of these bespectacled millennial wimps.

“Let’s face it, the odds are stacked against me. It’s no wonder I’ve chosen not to be tied down.”