A MAN’S preferred sexual position is any form of intimate physical contact that happens to come his way, it has emerged.
Due to his poor pulling skills, Tom Booker’s sexual tastes have always been whatever a female partner was planning to do anyway, but he is less picky now – if that is possible – after a two-year dry spell.
He said: “My mates keep going on about the nuances between cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. That’s when they’re not writing off missionary for being too vanilla. The ungrateful twats.
“Meanwhile I can only dream of getting my genitals so much as grazed by a consenting adult. If they’re growing tired of shacking up with their long-term partners night after night, I’m happy to swap places. Let’s see how long they last.
“There’s nothing I’d turn down at the minute. I’d even take a handjob through a hole in a sheet like Orthodox religious people do. It wouldn’t take very long either. Like I said, two years. Two very long sexless years.”
Friend Martin Bishop said: “Tom talks a good game but I suspect he’s bullshitting. If his only option was to go down on a woman, he’d make his excuses and leave.”
