Meet cute ends in bumping uglies

A COUPLE’S adorable meet cute has led to them ramming their engorged genitals into one another within the same day. 

Lucy Parry and Jack Browne attended neighbouring parties and got locked out on adjoining balconies at the same time in a charming, serendipitous encounter befitting a Hollywood movie.

Parry said: “Neither of us were even meant to be there! Then we got locked out and spent two hours chatting six feet apart, and nine hours later I know what his dick looks like.

“Honestly, it was such a moment, being out there with him under the stars, a gulf between our bodies but our eyes drawing us together. When we finally got freed and were united, able to touch for the first time, it was like the rest of the world faded away.

“We left the parties behind us and danced through the city and the night, kissing in doorways, brought together by destiny and providence. Which is, I suppose, why I let him hit it from behind back at my place.

“Amazing that face I was a stranger to just yesterday was so quickly buried between my legs but it felt so right. You can’t fight fate, can you?”

Browne said: “She’s nice, but I’m definitely getting more of a friendship vibe.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

We ask you: has the closure of five miles of the M25 hit you hard?

FOR 57 whole hours an entire junction of the M25 has closed. Why must London always be the one that suffers? 

Eleanor Shaw, joiner: “It’s good this has had saturation media coverage. But I’m naturally forgetful, so I hope it’s mentioned several times an hour on every national radio show all weekend.”

Joanna Kramer, furniture flipper: “What people don’t realise is the M25 is circular, so just head in the opposite direction and you’ll be where you need to be soon enough.”

Norman Steele, bingo caller: “For this to happen in London of all places, which has no other transportation options.”

Hannah Tomlinson, airline mechanic: “Come Monday the entire thing will be housing.”

Lucy Parry, florist: “Anyone else feel like this is a golden opportunity to go down there for a midnight f**k in the overtaking lane?”