Friday, 5th June 2020

New dating app for people with massive holes in their earlobes

A NEW DATING app has launched to connect people who have massive, stupid holes in their ears.

Hangr has over 15,000 members, all of whom have completely ruined their ears in thanks to a short-lived fashion trend.

The 2008 style of putting things in your ears that make them look like calamari is estimated to have affected up to 0.5% of Britons. While those impacted are not obliged to disclose their status to potential partners, hiding the symptoms can make for an awkward conversation.

Wearing a beanie with ear flaps, user Stephen Malley said: “I’m always honest with people I meet. Some make their excuses and leave, but you can’t argue with closed-minded idiots.

“Hangr has meant that I can connect with girls who have made the same utterly myopic decision as me, and therefore ruled themselves out of most of the dating pool.”

Nikki Hollis said: “It’s been incredible to date people with whom you share such a grave error in life. It means that, for us, having ears that hang down like a pensioner’s tits isn’t a drawback – it’s a superpower.”