Observant boyfriend notices girlfriend's hair has 'gone a different colour on top'

A KEEN-EYED boyfriend has spotted that the top of his partner’s hair has, over the last four months, changed to a different colour than the rest of it. 

Joshua Hudson made the observation out loud to girlfriend Lucy Parry, who appeared angry at him both for noticing and for not noticing earlier.

He continued: “Yeah, it’s really weird. It’s gone darker and this kind of dull brown like from the top but going down? Like there’s still blonde bits, but they’re lower than they used to be.

“I wonder if it’s a new style? Now I’ve noticed it I’ve seen other women with it. But why would she choose that colour?

“It doesn’t look great, to be honest. I wish she’d left it alone until the hairdressers reopened, rather than trying out a new look herself during lockdown. I bet it won’t last.”

Parry said: “So first that’s proof he doesn’t listen to anything I say, and second that it takes him around three months to notice any changes in my appearance.

“Good to know.”

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M&S reports alarming surge in middle-class twats

MARKS & Spencer has reported a massive spike in middle-class twats buying overpriced ready meals and bland clothing.

The department store has confirmed that the number of women shopping in pairs and men buying red corduroys and panama hats has risen by 100 per cent in the last week.

A spokesman said: “Smug comfortable pricks buying crap they don’t need is a key bellwether of economic recovery.

“Since they were frantically stockpiling Percy Pigs in March we’ve barely seen the bourgeois because they boosted their social cachet by staying home and doing Zoom quizzes instead.

“But they’re sick of their veg box deliveries and the larder’s getting bare, so here they are all back again like an aspirational Dawn of the Dead.

“Sales of home office furniture and agonisingly twee wine hampers are back up, we’re selling middle managers alarming numbers of flip-flops, and women are buying big floppy hats. It’s days before we see this on the streets.”

A John Lewis employee, who wanted to remain anonymous, confirmed: “The middle-classes are out of lockdown. Prepare to be condescended to from behind a mask.”