Second children have fewer baby photos because they are loved less, confirm parents

PARENTS have announced that they do not bother to take photos of their second children because they are not as special.

Confirming the suspicions of second and subsequent children that their lack of photographic record is due to their unpopularity, parents are now hoping their less important children will ‘shut up about it.’

Mother-of-two Charlotte Phelps, who documented every moment of her eldest’s development, said: “We’re not too busy running around after you. That’s just an excuse.

“The truth is the novelty wears off and you simply aren’t that bothered about the second one onwards. It’s all the same anyway, first steps and first words and all that shit.

“And then my youngest’s always moaning about there not being any photos, which is yet another thing making him less loveable than his wonderful sister. When will he realise he’s brought this on himself?”

Father of five Martin Bishop said: “When you’ve got as many as I have the last one only ever pops up in the background of other people’s photos, like a rumour or a ghost.

“Do I love him? Definitely, of course I do. About as much as I love the eldest’s hamster.”

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Zahawi hoping press don't find out about private island with his face carved into cliffs

NADHIM Zahawi is happy to be investigated as long as the media do not discover his private island with his likeness carved into a cliff-face. 

The Conservative chairman has shrugged off paying £5 million tax, telling friends he has that kind of money just lying about the house, but is anxious that the island, its submersible runway and laser drone defence grid remain undiscovered.

He said: “You know what it’s like. You’ve got a few hundred million sloshing around that HRMC doesn’t need to know about and a prime piece of North Atlantic real estate becomes available.

“Before you know it your offshore vehicles have purchased it and refitted it as the perfect impregnable lair, apocalypse bolthole and monument to your genius complete with face.

“It was just a whim really. I said ‘Doesn’t that cliff look like me?’ and my wife arranged it as a surprise, complete with observation chamber in the right eye, proton cannon in the left and all the sculptors sealed in concrete at the bottom of the ocean.

“But you know what the press are like. They’ll make a big deal of it, acting like it’s not perfectly normal, and next thing you know the politics of envy has claimed another victim.”

He added: “Focusing on my 200ft high face on my private island is nothing but a distraction. The media should be ashamed.”