FORTY per cent of men could not identify the clitoris on a diagram. But here are six things they can find no trouble:
The switch to open the bonnet
It can be difficult, especially in a new car where you have to kneel on the ground while peering into a dark footwell. And yes it’s labelled and may even light up, unlike the female pleasure centre, but ladies always have theirs in the same place no matter what the model. You only have to find it once.
This ape-like hominid has eluded discovery and capture for decades. However, an expedition to the Pacific Northwest – including tents, GPS, paralysing darts, etc – would attract a lot more funding and interest than a hunt for the probably mythical ‘clitoris’.
Those f**king keys
Where are they? You’ve got to go to work and they’re… in the kitchen? In the pocket of your other trousers? Next to the phone? Men will eventually find the keys – they were in their jacket – but won’t look nearly as hard for something that does no more than give a woman an orgasm. That’s not a must, it’s a nice-to-have.
New sub-atomic particles
The €7.5m Large Hadron Collider, developed over decades of painstaking research, has allowed CERN to discover the existence and behaviour of sub-atomic particles that are almost impossible to observe. This is still easier for male scientists than locating the clitoris.
The total lack of evidence for fae, goblins, tree sprites and similar bollocks suggests they do not exist. But a man would open the gates to the land of summer’s twilight and take tea with Queen Titania quicker than doing a lot of vague rubbing in a woman’s overall groin area with no noticeable result.
The Ark of the Covenant
Lost forever in history, rediscovered by Indiana Jones, then lost again to American bureaucracy, this artefact would be a cinch for blokes to track down and deliver to their government. However they wouldn’t try to look at it in case its incredible holy radiance melted their faces, so exactly how they treat women’s fannies.