DO your friends already hate you because of how sickeningly loved-up you are? Taking up one of these awful couples’ hobbies will really ratchet up the nausea.
This twee form of dancing is exactly the type your grandparents ditched several decades before you were born because of its innate annoyingness. Why not start learning it if you want to become 100% more punchable?
Yoga reeks of smugness as it is, but doing it in a way that involves touching someone else verges on the downright disgusting. It’s basically having sex in a roomful of people whilst wearing lycra. Or upmarket dogging.
Staring at naked people under the guise of ‘art’ is creepy enough, but doing it with your partner is extra weird. Why not draw a bowl of fruit and watch some porn at home instead?
Or any other sport where you can compete as a cute little team of two, especially if you’re playing against other couples to see who can be the smuggest bastards of all. Don’t forget to bore on about ‘how much Sally’s backhand has improved’!
Aren’t you romantic and beautiful with your salt-tousled hair and wetsuits? Yes, but only until you have a massive row when your VW camper van gets wedged in a narrow coastal road behind a tractor full of manure.