What's your pathetic excuse for refusing to commit?

THERE comes a time in every relationship when you have to weasel out of long-term commitment. Here are some excellent lame excuses.

‘I need to sort my head out’

This excuse is ambiguous enough to either mean you have sensitive emotional issues to work through, or you’re a psycho who thinks the ducks in the park are plotting against you. Either way, you’ll be off the hook for a bit.

‘My career has to come first at the moment’

If you’re a human rights lawyer or a scientist working on a cancer cure this excuse definitely has legs. If you work on the cheese counter at Morrisons, you might want to try a different one.

‘My hamster isn’t ready for it’

This works better with kids from an earlier relationship than rodents, but the main thing is you’re respecting the feelings of something small and helpless. Even if it’s hard to gauge their feelings because they’re constantly running round a wheel like an idiot.

‘My horoscope says it’s too soon’

Blaming some invisible external authority is excellent because it’s difficult to argue with. You could also try ‘the Tarot’, ‘my spirit guide’ or simply ‘God’. After a while you’ll probably even start to believe the Lord Himself wants you to shag around.

‘I value my independence too much’

If someone wants you to make it official, chances are you already live together so your precious independence is long gone, but it’s worth a shot. And a lot more considerate than just legging it.


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'Sympathetic' friend takes all of 35 seconds to start talking about own problems

A WOMAN going through a rough time cannot believe how quickly a friend hijacked the conversation and made it all about their own problems.

Susan Traherne visited Nikki Hollis to console her over a recent break-up but turned the conversation towards her trivial work and life problems in under a minute.

Hollis said: “I can’t understand how we went from the breakdown of my eight-year relationship to discussing how she deserves a desk by a window.

“My ex, who I loved, went off with a woman he’d only known for three weeks, but somehow Susan managed to relate that to having one of her holiday requests denied.

“Even when we hugged goodbye I felt like I was the one doing the hugging.”

Traherne said: “I was dreading going over because I thought it would be really upsetting, but actually I feel great after getting all that stuff off my chest.

“Especially the hassle I had getting a new sofa delivered. It’s good to lend an ear.”