HEY girls, I know times are tough for you, which is why I want to help you to find your voice. Here’s how to be assertive, but not in a strident, unfeminine way:
Your boss hired you for a reason, and not just because of your pretty face. He wants to hear from you in meetings, so don’t be afraid to speak up and tell him you support his ideas. Be careful though: finding flaws or proposing alternatives will bring down morale. No one likes a Negative Nancy.
Speaking as a man, especially as a feminist, I’m sick of seeing women stuck in the background as nothing but eye candy. I want to you to step into the limelight and sing a lovely song, or talk about dresses and shoes. It would be a welcome distraction from those horrendous harpies telling ‘jokes’ about their periods.
Out and about
You hard-working ladies of the retail and service industries have been worn down for too long. So many of you have clearly been told not to even give me a smile, let alone compliment my purchases. Don’t be afraid to chit-chat, and agree with my complaints about those loud bitches in the corner who are laughing too much.
It’s so hard to find a female who loves scrolling through viciously misogynistic men’s rights forums on Reddit, which is such a shame. Why not try it out? Say hi to us fellas next time you’re online, but don’t get mouthy and reject our sincere dick pics or we’ll be forced to call you a whore.
I’m going to be honest, I don’t want a girl without any personality, and I want her to be confident in herself. But have some modesty, it’s not all about you, you know! Is this really so hard to understand? I can explain again, slower this time if you need.