Woman marries stranger who told her she had a nice arse on Instagram

A WOMAN was so impressed when a random stranger on Instagram told her she had a ‘nice arse’ that she has decided to marry him.

Kelly Howard met the sweet-talking Romeo when he slipped into her direct messages with the thoughtful compliment ‘u have much nice arse’.

Howard said: “When I saw those poetic words, I just thought ‘what a guy!’. It was like he’d written me my own love sonnet.

“Is there anything more romantic than commenting on the arse of a woman you don’t know on the internet? I think not.

“I have no idea who he is but his profile picture looks exactly like the young Hugh Jackman, so he’s very handsome. Then his account appears to be a few pictures of trucks.  

“I think it’s meant to be because this morning I actually drove past a truck. So I messaged him back and proposed to him. 

“Later he sent me another message saying ‘R ur breasts not too big or too small?’. Then I knew for sure this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”

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Meghan, Harry, Kate and Wills regretting caravan holiday in Rhyl

THE younger members of the Royal Family now feel it was a mistake to book a holiday together in a small caravan in Wales, it has emerged.

The break has become extremely tense due to revelations in the recent biography of the Sussexes, Finding Freedom, and the general misery of Welsh caravan holidays.

Prince William said: “I come across as a pompous idiot in that damn book. Also Meghan really stinks out the chemical toilet. It’s like an elephant’s been in there.

“It’s been pouring with rain so we’re trapped inside playing Cleudo most of the time. If Harry tells us one more tedious anecdote about Afghanistan I might do a murder myself.”

Meghan said: “I found my $400 organic seaweed moisturiser in the bin. I wonder who put it there? Let’s just say a certain skinny bitch got her ass kicked at crazy golf earlier today.”

The royals are currently trying to plan a trip to SeaQuarium Rhyl, which has caused arguments due to Meghan’s progressive views on animal rights and Harry’s daily requests to go to the pub instead.

Kate said: “We can’t just sit in the pub all day. I’m organising a nice healthy game of two-against-two hockey later and they had better take it seriously this time or there’ll be trouble.”