A WOMAN who completely forgot her boyfriend is 27 today is frantically swiping her phone to arrange a surprise threesome.
Charlotte Phelps only realised it was boyfriend Ryan Whittaker’s birthday when she got his 2am texts, and is is trying to pull together the minimal effort gift as though she had planned it all along.
She said: “Oh God, who do I know who could do this? Annabelle? Might f**k up the friendship? Helen? No, she doesn’t shave. Do I have any friends of friends?
“I’ve left it too late to go the shops, I’ve no money anyway and I’ve no idea what he would even want so I’ll just go for the lowest common denominator of me and another woman. They always like that.
“What other options have I got? I’ve got literally no resources. He said he wanted me to cook for him but I can’t be arsed with all that sweating and licking spoons. Far easier to have a threeway.
“Jessica I know would, but I’ve not seen her for six months and she’ll know I’m just calling for that and give me a hard time. Leanne? Actually, wait, Leanne owes me one! Perfect.”
