Woman who married wrong man distinctly remembers leaving pause in ceremony for friends to say so

A WOMAN who married an idiot has asked her friends why they said nothing even though the ceremony included a clear invitation to speak out. 

Helen Archer, who is now divorcing the dickhead, has confronted attendees of the wedding asking why if they knew all along they failed to say so during the slot allotted for same.

She continued: “You remember. It was hard to miss. ‘Speak now, or forever hold your peace’?

“And despite you all telling me now you knew he was a twat, I don’t remember a chorus of voices ‘speaking now’ at that point. I remember a whole fucking lot of ‘holding your peace’.

“Yes it would have been inconvenient in the short term, but I wouldn’t be going through divorce proceedings now. But instead you ignored the explicit instructions of the vicar, representing God, and condemned me to marry an arsehole.”

Officiating vicar the Reverend Nathan Muir said: “I left the pause for ten seconds longer than I usually do, in the hope. I mean you only had to look at the man.”