Woman who stalks exes on Facebook 'just keeping in touch'

A WOMAN who regularly stalks her exes on Facebook has insisted she is ‘just keeping in touch’. 

Carolyn Ryan keeps a Facebook tab open on her browser for each of her previous boyfriends, but claims it is only because she is platonically interested in their activities and wellbeing.

Ryan said: “Julian’s cohabiting with the girl he dated after me, Steve got married to an old flame, and Tom’s just had a baby with his new girlfriend. It’s all fantastic.”

She added: “I’m genuinely happy for all my exes and am definitely not waiting for their lives to fall to bits without me. Honestly – I’m not poised to pick up the pieces of their ruined relationships at all.”

Ex-boyfriend Julian Cook said: “I’m so terrified of her, I’m in the process of moving to New Zealand.”

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Boyfriend reminded to take photos for 87th time so far today

A WOMAN has once again reminded her boyfriend to take some photos of all the fun they are having so they do not forget it. 

Helen Archer wished she did not have to keep on at boyfriend Tom Logan but he continually puts his phone away to grab food, get a drink or even just waste time talking. 

She said: “Sometimes I think he does it deliberately. After the wedding in August we didn’t even have 200 photos, and not one of me dancing. His excuse? ‘I was dancing as well’.

“I look through his phone for his documentation of life-affirming moments we’ve shared and it’s just rude street signs from his business trip to Germany and his friends’ ballsacks saved automatically from WhatsApp. 

“Every single one of us has been taken under duress. It’s no wonder I can’t crack 1,000 followers on Instagram. 

Logan said: “One minute she’s ordering to get off my phone and the next I’m commanded to take photos. There’s literally no way of predicting what I’m supposed to do. No way at all.”