92 per cent of English people think all Scottish people know each other

ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.

A survey for the Joseph Rowntree Institute found that when confronted with a new Scottish person most English people will automatically ask if they know the last Scottish person they met.

Institute spokesman Wayne Hayes, said: “A typical scenario will be at a middle class party when a Scottish person is introduced.

“Within moments he or she will be asked if they know ‘wee Tommy from the glen, used to take us fishing, lovely chap, quite a temper, four foot six, smelled of pee, you must know him’.”

According to the survey, nine out of 10 English people will assume that the Scottish person knows Sean Connery, Lulu and Kenny Dalglish.

Hayes added: “Another typical comment would be, ‘you sound just like Alan Hansen, I suppose you must have been in jail together at some point’.”

Scotsman Bill McKay said: “Like virtually everyone else in Scotland, I only know five people.”