Baby born to male mother still of absolutely no interest to anyone except family

A MAN has given birth to a baby, forcing his friends to pretend to be interested purely out of politeness.

Mother Tom Logan and his partner Roy Hobbs have been relentlessly banging on about their offspring since the birth, bombarding Facebook with photos and sending friends long-winded emails detailing the child’s uniquely curious nature.

However Stephen Malley, Logan’s former school mate, said: “Good on them, and I guess it is kind of unusual from a biological point of view but ultimately it’s still just someone else’s baby and as such about as fascinating as a loaf of bread.

“I suppose I’ll have to go and have a look at some point. What a thrill that afternoon will be, in the company of two utterly exhausted people and a little bald person who behaves like a drunkard.

“Sorry I mean ‘miracle of science and love’.”

He added: “That said, I’m quite interested in the weirder, David Cronenberg-esque aspects of the birth.”

Logan’s work colleague Emma Bradford said: “Although I am happy for them, maybe now’s the time to cool it with the constant baby updates.

She added: “Also I gave them a present for the baby and they responded with a thank-you note purporting to have been written by the child. You know, ‘thank you for my hat, I’m wearing it now and it looks adorable’, sort of thing.

“That’s not endearing, it’s just weird.”

The birth of Logan’s baby has, perhaps inevitably, triggered debate about the ethics of same-sex parenting.

Developmental psychologist Nikki Hollis said: “According to traditional gender roles, the main purpose of the father is to deliver really big bollockings when the mother is simply not being listened to.

“But with two male parents, the child is more likely to be allowed to do anything, however dangerous or ill-judged, if it means an ‘easy life’.”



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Lord Lucan 'just on gap year'

POLICE are exploring the possibility that Lord Lucan, who disappeared in 1974 following the murder of his children’s nanny, may simply be on an extended gap year.

Investigators believe the aristocrat may have simply taken some ‘time out’ and is currently sitting round a campfire on a beach in South-east Asia reading Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance while wearing a tie-dyed pork pie hat with mirrors sewn into it.

Criminal profiler Roy Hobbs said: “This new theory posits that Lucan may have fled the country for spiritual rather than murder reasons.

“His diary describes a ‘lack of freedom to express myself creatively’ and a ‘total Western downer’ shortly before his disappearance.

Hobbs continued: “Lucan will probably have looked around a lot of temples, taken pictures of misshapen local dogs and played long table football sessions with a group of Israeli stoners.

“If this is correct, we’d have to start looking for him in such locations as Angkor Wat, Malaysia, and of course, Thailand’s Phuket.”

He continued: “Lucan would have changed his appearance – his trademark moustache has probably been replaced by a goatee beard or even a soul patch, and he’s probably got a few piercings or a tattoo that he doesn’t realise says ‘I like cock’ in Sanskrit.

“He may well be carrying a musical instrument – I use the term loosely – such as a didgeridoo or bongo drums.

“This only adds to the urgency with which this man must be caught”.