Being ginger too high a price to pay for immortality

THE discovery that the ginger gene contains the secret of youthful looks has united the world in rejection of this Faustian bargain. 

Scientists found that the MC1R gene not only controls ginger hair but eternal youth, which they have described as ‘the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled’.

Geneticist Dr Helen Archer said: “That which man has searched for through the ages, the secret of immortality, turns out to be the most poisoned chalice of all.

“An eternity with carrot hair and translucent skin. Torment without end. It’s like Queen sang: ‘Who wants to live forever, as a ginger?’”

Natural redhead Eleanor Shaw said: “I dye mine black, so I can walk among you unseen, mocking your pathetic mortality.

“And it also means I can wear my red jumper.”