THE best way to fend off a shark attack is from within the shark, it has been claimed.
Following a British doctor’s claims to have punched one of the huge carnivorous fish, experts confirmed that the best anti-shark strategy is actually to enter its digestive system before fighting back.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We’ve all heard that rubbish about how you’re supposed to punch a shark on the nose. What’s that going to do? This is the savage world of the seas, not pound-a-pint night in a Yeovil nightclub.
“The sensible thing to do if a shark attacks you is to dive head-first into its open maw, taking care not to get snagged on any teeth as you go in.
“Now light a match. You’ll find yourself in the shark’s belly. It may smell a bit.
“Do some light stretching to limber up, then start doing karate kicks and punches again the beast’s stomach wall. Eventually you will burst out in an explosion of blood and guts, shouting ‘I am the lord of the ocean!’.”
“Then you just swim off.”