Britain First's space division tells alien rock to go back to its own bloody solar system

THE space department of Britain First has told the alien rock known as Oumuamua to go back to its own bloody solar system.

The BFSD, whose qualifications range from a D grade in GCSE Biology to having watched the first episode of Cosmos, said they were sick of these one-of-a-kind rock forms coming into our solar system and probably trying to sign on for Jobseeker’s Allowance.

A spokesman said: “This alien rock, whose name we’re too ignorant and lazy to remember, is clearly only here to blag some sort of rock operation on the NHS then get a free three-bed flat off the British government.

“What could Britain possibly gain from contact with a highly advanced alien civilisation whose technology surpasses our wildest imagining? We’ve already got Sky Sports, how could it get any better than that?”

He added: “Apparently it’s wrapped in a layer of organic insulation, which we’ll be seeking to ban it from wearing in public if it does pass by Earth.”

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Woman manages not to put kid's letter to Santa on Facebook

A MOTHER has been praised for not taking a photo of her child’s letter to Father Christmas and posting it to Facebook.

Donna Sheridan resisted sharing daughter Emily’s letter despite it having a number of backwards letters and endearingly impossible requests.

The letter, written in green crayon and addressed to “Santa / Farther Cristmas” included items like “a dog the same as the one from Poor Patrol”, “world piece” and “a new (beter) brother”.

Friend Joanna Kramer said: “I’ve seen the letter and I can’t believe it. It’s got everything.

“The fact that she hasn’t posted it with a caption like ‘Yeah, so I guess my kid is pretty adorable’ or shared it in a mothers’ group she hasn’t looked at since last year is unbelievable.

“Donna is just a normal mum who loves her family. Today she did something extraordinary.”