BRITAIN is to celebrate the legacy of Isambard Kingdom Brunel by deciding which parts of it should be permanently under water.
Prime minister David Cameron said the country faced an exciting 21st Century choice between flooding either its farmland or its towns.
He added: Britain invented steam power, the jet engine and the internet. I am certain that we will not only choose the right areas to be submerged but that we will submerge those areas brilliantly.
And those areas that will be permanently under water need not be abandoned because we also invented the hovercraft.
So you can still live on the top floor of your house, you just wont have a garden. Which means youll have even more time to watch television. Which we also invented.
Mr Cameron then put on a stovepipe hat and began singing Rule Britannia at the top of his voice.
Meanwhile, engineers said that making sure half the country was always flooded would be relatively straightforward as long as everyone continues to ignore them.
Jane Thompson, from Roehampton University, said: Luckily the technology for ignoring engineers is already available.
Martin Bishop, from the area formerly known as Somerset, added: Im no Isambard Kingdom Brunel but could we maybe get some more pumps.