Friday, 7th May 2021

Death of iTunes 'like Berlin Wall coming down'

CELEBRATIONS are continuing worldwide after the victory the world feared it would never see: the day iTunes was finally defeated. 

The life-ruining application’s reign of terror has lasted 18 years since debuting in 2001, a whole generation grown up in its terrible shadow, but was announced as shuttered by Apple yesterday.

28-year-old Helen Archer said: “It can’t really be gone. It’s a trick. We can’t have been made free, overnight.

“Since I first downloaded mp3s it’s been there, monolithically blocking my every attempt to play them, every click routing me back to the dreaded iTunes homepage to sell me music I already had.

“Twice it’s deleted all my music because I’d bought a new Apple device like you’re supposed to and it got angry. It hides films. Once it shat a U2 album all over everywhere.

“And now it’s gone? Forever, crumbled to nothing? Will Bruce Willis finally be able to will his iTunes library to his children?”

Archer added: “With iTunes gone I can listen to my mp3s again, so I’m unsubscribing to Apple Music.”