Easier to click delete forever than click unsubscribe once, man believes

A MAN will delete a marketing email every day for the rest of his life rather than simply unsubscribing from the mailing list, he has confirmed.

Tom Booker, who has already performed the action over 2000 times, will spend 5 seconds putting the item in the trash on a daily basis, instead of spending 40 seconds changing his preferences once.

Booker said: “I bought one pair of shoes from this company in 2016 and they’ve been hounding me ever since, the bastards. It really boils my piss and yet I still can’t be arsed to take half a minute out of my day to stop them.

“They make it so difficult to unsubscribe. The link is tiny and all the way at the bottom of the page, meaning I have to do at least two swipes of the trackpad to find it. It’s far easier to just become annoyed every single day forever.”

Booker also refuses to update his autofilled passwords, instead preferring to incorrectly type old ones into each field until he is forced to reset them, beginning the cycle all over again.

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Why England must end its occupation of Ireland. By a poorly informed American

JOE Biden has given his backing to getting Stormont functioning again. That’s not enough for American Elijah Byrne, who wants to see Britain withdraw its tanks from Dublin.

Stop robbing the Irish of their culture

British imperialists ruthlessly suppress Irish culture. If you’re not Irish like me you’ve probably never heard of Guinness, Sinead O’Connor, big green hats, The Banshees of Inerishin, U2, Celtic tattoos and Guinness. Oops, I said Guiness twice. I meant all the other rich Irish culture I am immersed in. Is Sean Connery Irish?

Get the troops out

It’s an international scandal that Dublin is occupied by the British Army and its Challenger tanks, ready to brutally put down any uprising. I’ve emailed the UN several times, but with no reply as yet. Mark my words, we information-poor Americans who have never been to Eire will not rest until the Irish Tricolour, not the Union Jack, is flying above the Giant’s Causeway.

Rewild the leprechauns 

Once the Emerald Isle was teeming with leprechauns. Just watch the documentary Darby O’Gill and the Little People. I assume what happened was that English aristocrats began to hunt them for sport and drove them to the brink of extinction. Once the Brits have gone, leprechauns can be rewilded, and their pots of gold will provide a valuable boost to Ireland’s economy.

End the artificial division of Ireland 

How dare you separate the folk of Northern Ireland from the South? One day the hated British border signs will be torn down and the protestant loyalists of the North will rush to the border, cheering as they embrace their Catholic brothers and sisters, finally able to live together in peace and harmony once again.

End the potato famine NOW

You Brits stole all the potatoes, and I expect you’re still doing it. When I think of innocent Irish peasant families watching their beautiful potatoes loaded into lorries by laughing Redcoats, I cry. Those poor simple folk, unable to enjoy a baked potato, spicy wedges or fries with their burger. I suppose they could try a pasta salad with it, but that doesn’t really go. I’m sorry, I’m welling up again.

The IRA will kick your asses 

Universally adored by the entire population of Ireland, these loveable rogues strike at the English oppressors before melting away like ghosts into the ancient forests of Belfast. They truly are the spiritual sons of Michael Collins, and have a very particular set of skills. Or is that that other Liam Neeson film?

Listen to the wisdom of Paul McCartney

‘Give Ireland back to the Irish,’ said the former Beatle, offering a single-state solution to this complex socio-political issue in one short sentence. No tool of the British Empire, Sir Paul knows that global solidarity with Ireland will never fade. ‘We all stand together/ La la la/ La la la la la’, in the moving words of the Frog Chorus.