Sunday, 27th September 2020

Female physicist trying to pinpoint exact times of prosecco and gin o’clock

A RENOWNED female scientist has made it her life’s work to establish the precise timings of ‘Prosecco o’clock’ and ‘Gin o’clock’.

Dr Helen Archer, who holds degrees from Oxford, Cambridge and MIT, has spent the past 10 years researching the mysterious early-drinking phenomenon.

She said: “We know roughly when the universe began and when the Earth was formed, but this crucial pair of times, which affect the lives of millions of drinkers every day, continue to baffle scientists.

“My research team and I work round the clock. We stagger our drinking throughout the day, then use special lab equipment to measure the precise cheekiness of each tipple.”

Dr Archer is determined to find the answer, despite resistance from male colleagues who believe funding should be focused on determining the time of ‘Beer o’clock’.

Most recently her research addressed the issue of the millions of fridge magnets and coasters produced every year which unambiguously state that it is ‘always gin o’clock’. 

She added: “That’s rubbish, of course. Who’s having a pink G&T at four in the morning? And don’t tell me ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere’. My team and I debunked that years ago.”