Sunday, 27th September 2020

'You won't like me before my morning coffee', jokes woman who no one has ever liked

A WOMAN has joked that she only becomes likeable after her morning coffee, to the surprise of colleagues who hate her at all times of day.

Annoying marketing executive Carolyn Ryan claims she needs coffee to improve her personality but this is tolerated and even looked on fondly by co-workers. 

She said: “My friends at work know what I’m like with my coffee. I’m addicted! I need that caffeine fix to turn me into the Carolyn they know and love.

“It’s just a bit of fun that we all enjoy, really. I’m a bit of a joker around here and I love making them all laugh.”

However long-time colleague Lucy Parry said: “Not a day goes by where I don’t wish she would shut up forever. I can’t remember ever having any feelings of goodwill towards her.

“I’m not sure what kind of personality change she thinks happens, but whether she’s pre- or post-coffee, I cannot bear her witless chit-chat and bitchy office gossip.”

Co-worker Oliver O’Connor added: “We’re really surprised she thinks she’s anything but intolerable. But then her total lack of self-awareness is one of the many reasons we hate her.”