Tuesday, 4th August 2020

Giving kids screen time less harmful than putting up with their shit, agree parents

PARENTS have agreed that giving children screen time is less harmful than having to interact with them.

After being advised by paediatricians not to worry about screen time, parents laughed heartily and said the only alternative was putting up with their kids’ constant nonsense.

Father-of-two Martin Bishop said: “Were it not for the iPad I’d be subjected to endless, mindless conversations about where rain comes from and my son Jack’s tedious invisible friend Felix.

“Or worse, my daughter Suzi demanding I pretend to be a horse until I’m half dead from exhaustion. I’m surprised doctors didn’t recommend increasing screen time for their own good.

“Obviously there’s a risk kids will visit unsuitable websites full of porn or order a bomb off the Dark Web, but that’s preferable to me having to pretend to talk to a bloody doll for 45 minutes.

“Am I a great parent? No. Is the iPad? Probably. It’s Apple after all.”

Five-year-old Jack Bishop said: “Sometimes me and daddy play a game called ‘How long can Jack stay on the iPad?’. I did 11 hours yesterday.”