MEN’S penises are either porn-style monstrosities or minuscule sources of amusement, it has emerged.
Researchers at the Institute for Studies fond that although the average penis length was 5.2 inches, such an organ does not actually exist.
Roughly half of penises are over a foot long, while the remainder can barely be seen without a magnifying device.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “As we had always suspected, with penises there is no middle ground.
“You’ve got your confident man’s foot-long gnarled salami, or the tiny mushroom of the gent who shuns communal showers.
“This confirms my theory that the penis evolved mainly for its comedic potential.”