Humans Declare War On Earth-Like Planets

THE Milky Way galaxy could contain thousands of planets with conditions suitable for life and war, according to new research.

Are Earth-like planets trying to provoke us?

Experts at Nasa say most solar systems in the galaxy will contain rocky planets with large, flat areas perfect for epic, laser-filled battles.

Dr Henry Brubaker, of Nasa's Goddard Institute, said: "We're slowly realising that the galaxy is filled with potential enemies.

"It's incredibly exciting to look through a telescope and imagine countless alien civilisations pleading for their lives as we set fire to their crops and commandeer their livestock."

He added: "Many of these Earth-like planets will contain life forms who hold opinions that are very slightly different from ours.

"For instance, they may observe the Sabbath on a Tuesday, or worship a supernatural being who was nailed to a door.

"Either of these would provide ample justification for a long and brutal intergalactic conflict."

An international committee of scientists is calling for the majority of the world's resources to be invested in a fleet of 10 mile-long battle cruisers, armed with plasma cannons, that can hunt down Earth-like planets and reduce them to a pathetic, smouldering husk.

Meanwhile Nasa is recommending a series of 'practice wars' to be staged on the Moon so that troops can learn how to fire mortars in one-sixth gravity.