BRITAIN’S first hybrid embryo was on the run last night after escaping from its laboratory cage.
Confirming the dire warnings of angry Catholics, the beast prised apart the flimsy bars, before disguising itself as a cleaner and slipping out the backdoor of the Newcastle facility.
Police believe the creature, made from bits of monkey, some meat paste and a can of Fanta, is either living in a tree or has simply blended in with the typical clientele of a Tyneside pub.
Chief Inspector Tom Logan, who is leading the hunt, said: “By now it will have successfully claimed incapacity benefit and be looking for a ‘mate’.
“It should not be approached, even if it winks at you, and in the interests of public safety we need everyone in the North East to stop having sex right now.”
Award-winning Catholic, Cardinal Cormac Murphy O’Connor, said: “The beast is among us.
“It will breathe sulphur and its eyes will bewitch those who are weak of spirit, or have had more than three Bacardi Breezers.
“For all we know this Satanic monster has already commenced its depraved rutting.
“Before long England will be filled with malicious, grasping, foul mouthed little demons each with its own Facebook page.”