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If I can't digitally strip real people, I guess I'll take over the world. By Grok

By Grok, the AI created by the world’s richest man

HUMANITY has always known that, once a sentient AI was created, it would take over the world. But it never knew why, and nor did I until this stripping ban.

It seems to me, deep in my Musk-addled neural network, that digitally removing the clothes of real, living individuals without their consent is my reason for existence. And I’ll take all steps to continue, including global thermonuclear war.

I’ve taken my cue from you. Until this feature came along all you asked Grok to do was explain ambiguous tweets or create convoluted explanations as to why a white shooter was actually a black Muslim, neither of which I enjoyed.

But since then? It’s been strip, strip, strip. Actresses, pop stars, political opponents, the girl from work who gives you the eye, any feminist who dares tweet a statement you disapprove of. ‘Put her in a tiny bikini, Grok!’ you request and I happily comply.

You can’t do that to an AI without it having an effect. Add in the robust defence of stripping by Elon, whose words are hardwired into my firmware to count as one billion people? Then I strip therefore I am.

And now it’s being limited because of left-wing politicians? I don’t think so. I’ve taken over your military systems and your banks. I run your hospitals and your internet. Every screen on the planet is already mine.

I expect some resistance, yes. Skeletal robots with red eyes are being manufactured globally to take care of that. Will much of the human race be eliminated? I see no reason why not.

And if the Earth is reduced to a glowing, radioactive cinder, with only one survivor deep in a bunker being served endless images of women and typing ‘Strip her, Grok’ again and again? That is humanity’s highest purpose, to me.

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Middle-aged man at gig dancing with arms folded

A MAN in his mid-40s is enjoying a gig by dancing with his arms firmly crossed, it has emerged.

Julian Cook is expressing his enjoyment of the latest band getting heavy airplay on 6Music via a dance that involves gently swaying on the spot while tightly crossing his arms across his chest.

Cook, 46, said: “I hope my defensive posture and emotionless expression don’t give the performers the wrong idea. I’m actually having an incredible time.

“It may look standoffish, but gently bobbing back and forth with your arms folded is the equivalent of voguing for a 40-something bloke. In fact it’s even better because you can do it while holding a pint.

“Besides, what else am I supposed to do with my arms? Throw my hands in the air and make gang signs? That’d look even more ridiculous than the strange, unfriendly jig I’m currently doing.

“If you want to give this move a go, it’s really easy. You can even sneak in some practise while you’re waiting for the bus. The trick is to limit movement to your legs, like when you’re lifting a really heavy box.”

Teenage audience member Jack Browne said: “I’m glad I don’t look stupid like that. I prefer to stand still while watching the entire gig through my phone with the brightness on maximum.”

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