PEOPLE with the browser Internet Explorer were last night told they were using it to ‘explore’ the ‘internet’.
Researchers have found that the average IE user does not know what it is for, with many believing it is either a telephone for talking to the Baby Jesus or some form of microwave oven.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “They will normally sit and stare at it for up to six hours before tentatively putting their hands on the mouse – which they have named – and then gently pressing the top of its head.
“If the cursor is in the right place on the screen this can cause the images to change. This development will send them scurrying into the corner of the room, where they will pick up a James Patterson novel and hurl it at the computer in a bid to make it die.
“It may be another six hours before they summon the courage to return, at which point they then set up their Facebook account.”
He added: “Unfortunately thousands of them can’t even see the screen because it is smeared with the cheese that they have been trying to ram into it in the hope of making themselves a hot meal that will burn their mouths continually.”
Roy Hobbs, an IT consultant, said that many of them will be reading news stories, like this one, about Internet Explorer without realising they are using Internet Explorer, on the internet.
He added: “Of course, they are all still several minutes away from pages like this one actually loading.
“So for all those using Firefox, Chrome and Safari, please amuse yourselves with traditional folk songs and tales of daring while we wait for them to arrive.”