LIFE is full of mysteries, but some of it is bleeding obvious. Here are some of the f**king stupid questions that end up being googled…
Is it cheating if we just have sex?
If you’re with a partner and shagging someone else you know perfectly well you’re cheating, or you wouldn’t be turning to a search engine to assuage your guilt. It’s like googling ‘Am I driving a car?’ when you’re currently looking for a parking space.
How to cook toast?
Toast is the simplest hot food to prepare. You put the bread in the slots then push down the lever. Here’s a handy troubleshooting checklist: is the toaster plugged in? That’s it. Honestly, it’s a piece of piss. As to how the setting dial works, that’s baffling and scientists haven’t figured it out yet.
Am I confident?
The fact that you’re googling this indicates that no, you are not confident, sorry. Even though you’ll be presented with lots of links to articles that try to convince you otherwise, remember they’ve all been written by other insecure losers who are probably trying to sell you a self-help book.
Are the Tories bad?
People do actually ask Google who to vote for. Try reading or watching the news and you’ll realise our current government are a bunch of self-serving incompetents. And by not googling it you’re less likely to be added to be added to Priti Patel’s database of potential traitors. Paranoid? Yes. Is she thinking about it? Also yes.
What is the time?
Unless you need to know the time down to the exact picosecond for some reason, just look at the clock display on the device you’re using to ACCESS THE F**KING INTERNET. If that’s still too technologically advanced, then look at one of your wrists – the answer is probably right there.