Monday, 19th April 2021

Key in front door substantially increases the need to have a piss

PLACING a key in your front door increases the risk of pissing yourself by up to 97 per cent, experts have found.

Research by the Institute for Studies has also found that unlocking the door and placing one foot inside the house makes having an accident a further 20 per cent more likely.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Most people can’t even look at their front door without their bladder suddenly feeling uncomfortably full. But it’s when the key is turned that things get really urgent.

“If they fumble for a moment, it’s game over and the urine starts seeping out. That’s why most people have doormats, despite what they claim about using them to brush their feet.”

Helen Archer said: “One day the neighbour started chatting to me as I was trying to unlock the door and I felt wee start to dribble down my leg.

“I panicked and told him my waters had broken. Better for him to think I’m having a miracle baby at the age of 54 than pissing myself in the porch.

“I’m now looking into hiring a portaloo for my doorstep.”