Killer robots better than robots with emotions

MURDEROUS military death robots are much better than their sensitive counterparts, it has been claimed.

As politicians warn over the consequences of creating robotic killing machines, experts asked them to compare The Terminator with Short Circuit.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “You could equally compare Robocop, which is brilliant, with the film A.I., which has got Jude Law in it.

“Clearly robots are only interesting when they are making things explode, when they start crying it’s frankly tedious.”

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Guardian Soulmates officially the middle class Page 3

THE Guardian website’s dating section is Page 3 for middle earners, it has been confirmed.

Although ostensibly a lonely hearts service, every day the best-looking user is featured on Guardian home page as a thinly-veiled ‘totty of the day’.

Architect Stephen Malley said: “I couldn’t get through the working day without a quick morning perv on Soulmates.

“Sometimes I just squint at the thumbnail but if no-one’s looking I will click on it.

“The combination of sexy girls and semi-ironic, culturally astute biographical information really cheers me up.

“Hats off to the Guardian for bringing saucy fun into the lives of married men who wear Converse shoes with nice jumpers.”

44-year-old Norman Cooke said: “People in the office think I’m looking for a life partner but actually I’m just filling up the spank bank in a socially acceptable manner.

“My favourite is Clara97 because she looks clever and non-threatening but also mildly dirty. Cor. Also it’s good that there are pictures of blokes too because I hate sexism.

“I hope the Guardian doesn’t find out how sexy it is or it will start a campaign to ban itself.”