Thursday, 13th May 2021

Man on electric unicycle provides valuable insight into bellends of the future

A MAN on an electric unicycle has given the world a glimpse of the tiresome tossers they will have to deal with more regularly in the future.

Onlookers in Brighton were shocked to see the man travelling at high speeds on a stupid little electric wheel, possibly on his way to some sort of new media job.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “I was enjoying a relaxing walk when a man shot past me on a single wheel like some kind of high-speed techno clown.

“I was stunned. I never thought someone would think to combine the pavement-hogging annoyance of mobility scooters with the ridiculousness of rollerblading.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “In the future everywhere relaxing will be ruined by someone dicking around with a gadget.

“You may already have been enjoying a tranquil beach when some twat with a drone hovered it above you. What else does the future hold? How dickish do we dare to dream?

“By 2090 we could be a race of human-robot hybrids, with neural implants to make us bigger wankers.”