Man teaching his new phone how to swear

A MAN is teaching his new iPhone an extensive vocabulary of swear words. 

Tom Booker, from Hatfield, stressed that teaching the phone’s autocorrect that you do not want to say ‘ducking’ means you can send a quick, accurate message the next time you are stuck in fucking traffic.

He said: “And it’s not just ‘ducking’. ‘Duck’, ‘ducked’, ‘ducker’, ‘mother funster’, you’ll need them all sooner or later.

“Likewise, it’s best to teach your phone that you never mean ‘shiv’, that you always mean ‘arse’ and that ‘bastard’ is a great deal more common than ‘bastardised’.

“Though that one can be useful to the more advanced swearer. For example if your local boozer becomes a gastropub.”

Booker added: “When I type in the c-word, autocorrect does suggest ‘vintage vinyl’, which is interesting.”