Man who rejects global warming firmly believes Star Wars will come true

A MAN who rejects the evidence for global warming does believe that a Death Star will one day be built in space.

Nathan Muir, 38, insists climate change is ‘made up nonsense’ while claiming the technology needed to make lightsabres feasible has already been invented but is being ‘suppressed by the Woodland Trust’.

Muir said: “These scientists are just selfish bastards trying to scare people into not flying abroad so they can always get a good spot on the beach and chat up sexy foreigners.

“They’re wasting time that could be used for developing landspeeders and hyperdrives. We should be worrying about the Sith Lords taking over the galaxy rather than a handful of inefficient polar bears.”

He added: “Global warming is an example of a ‘Jedi mind trick’. The Earth is more likely to turn into Hoth than Tatooine.”

Muir’s girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “When we first met last October, I was so sure that Nathan’s Star Wars obsession was something he would grow out of once he became sexually active.”

The Daily Mash in your inbox
privacy

Eighth Labour MP to quit admits she slept through her alarm on Monday

THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend. 

Joan Ryan, MP for Enfield North, confessed that drinking three bottles of wine to celebrate her freedom from ‘that sanctimonious lefter-than-thou twat’ on Sunday evening left her in no state for a press conference on Monday morning.

She continued: “Come on. It’s not like the anti-Semitism’s got dramatically worse in the last two days. You have to believe me.

“I don’t even remember the alarm going off, but I remember my phone buzzing like fuck and this banging on the door which turned out to be a SPAD they’d sent round. I couldn’t face it. I just put my pillow over my head and groaned.

“The other seven have been a bit off with me and fair enough, but we’re all independent. Sly sideways looks are what I left Labour to get away from.

Following the announcement that three Tories had quit, Ryan added: “Oh for Christ’s sake. Now I look like I’ve only done it because they did. 

“Still, now there’s 11 of us we’re more powerful than the DUP. And they run Britain.”