THE latest item of the recent past disinterred and fetishised by Gen Z bellends is the enormous brick telephone of the 1980s.
Not content with bringing back cassettes, voluminous Madchester jeans and the incorrect use of the word ‘sound’, Gen Z are rejecting almost four decades of telephonic technology for the much cooler brickphone.
19-year-old Hannah Tomlinson of Reading said: “Sorry, I’m getting a call. Let me take out a phone the size of my forearm, extend the aerial, flip down the mouthpiece and answer it.
“Modern phones are too small, slim and tasteful. Take this baby out on a crowded train and everyone will be looking at you enviously as you repeat ‘What was that? I’m losing signal’ again and again.
“There’s no doomscrolling, no social media, and any thief on an e-bike who snatched this would veer under a bus, destabilised by its immense weight. The bus would be a write-off. The phone would survive.”
Graphic designer Joshua Hudson said: “If you don’t look like a Wall Street bond trader right now, you’re nobody. Also I look up my friends’ numbers on my Rolodex or, when out, my Filofax.
“We tried pagers but we simply couldn’t comprehend them.”
