Millions take 'digital detox' to remind themselves how bored they used to be

ONE-THIRD of UK internet users have taken a break from the web to remember how boring and inconvenient life used to be. 

34 per cent of Britons have taken a month off the web to stare into space, not know anything and spend a lot less time talking to friends. 

Tom Logan of Durham said: “I was sitting on the settee staring at my smartphone every night, sure, but I wasn’t appreciating it the way I used to. 

“So I swore off for a whole month. I missed trains, I missed meetings, I was absolutely oblivious to major news events for hours at a time. 

“Instead of twiddling around watching Netflix or sharing hilarious memes with pals, I was slumped on a late bus unable to meet the eye of my own despondent reflection, just like in the 90s. 

“Anyone who’s ever had negative thoughts about technology should do the same. You’ll never be so foolish again.” 

Logan added: “I also got fired, because I need internet for work, and then got my benefits sanctioned because I didn’t apply for jobs online. But still worth it.” 

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Ask Holly: They won't be laughing when these tiny paws press the nuclear button

Dear Holly,

I’ve got smaller than average hands and people think this is funny. However, they won’t be laughing when they realise these tiny paws are more than capable of pressing the nuclear button. Meantimes, should I start a rumour that Hilary Clinton only has one testicle to deflect attention from my minuscule manhood, I mean hands?


United States of A

Dear Donald,

Sometimes small hands come in useful, for example when you are trying to pick the lock of the staffroom door for a dare and take a selfie whilst putting bogies in the Nescafé. Not that I have any direct experience of this.

Hope that helps,