Neptune has sulky birthday

NEPTUNE, eighth planet in the solar system, spent its first birthday orbiting the sun ‘just like any other day’.

Blue planet

It has been one Neptunian year since the brooding orb was discovered in 1846, viewed by Sir William Herschel as it crossing the path of Uranus with a vaguely passive aggressive demeanour.

Speaking from deep space yesterday, Neptune said: “I didn’t want any fuss made, honestly.

“Besides who’s going to travel 2788674210 miles out here to visit me on a school night?  Who cares if it’s a milestone birthday.

“I was absolutely fine stopping in with my moons which are better friends than planets anyway.”

The distant planet’s remarks have caused a ripple of disquiet in the solar sytem. Popular  planet Saturn said: “I feel awful about this, I just totally forgot, as did all the celestial bodies.

“This has absolutely nothing to do with us not wanting to schlep millions of light years for some poor quality wine and stilted conversation about how Ganymede’s not what it was.”

Neptune’s last guest was the spacecraft Voyager 2, which visited the planet in 1989.

Neptune said: “He was a lovely Spaceship Voyager 2. The type that would go to the ends of the universe for you.

“I invited him into my hemisphere,  but he muttered something about space traffic and said he had to head back.

“He’ll have sent me a card anyway, although it hasn’t arrived yet.

“I was surprised he didn’t text though.”