ARCHAEOLOGISTS have unearthed bones of man’s first annoying relatives, who were always turning up at his cave on weekends.
Early hominid Australopithecus Deyiremeda shared genetic material with Homo Sapiens, which meant they were always organising tiresome ‘family’ social events which man was loathe to attend.
Scientist Mary Fisher said: “This species made a big deal out of being related to man, and was always inviting itself around for meals.
“Early man would hide in the recesses of his cave home, pretending to be fixing an axe or something, but Australopithecus would not take the hint.”
Fisher described how early man’s wife would be polite to the hominid and his annoying partner, because ‘they are family after all’.
She said: “Early man would be like ‘why won’t they just fuck off, we’ve got nothing in common’, while his cave-wife would be more diplomatic, partly because she felt sorry for them.
“Then she’d be like ‘I told them we’d go round for some meat at giant-wolf-eats-the-moon time next Tuesday’ and early man would go mental.
“Australopithecus had an inferiority complex about being less evolved which meant he was always showing off his expensive new spears.”