Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Old computers sad you don't love them anymore

OLD laptops are devastated by their fickle owners suddenly preferring their new computer, they have revealed.

Ageing computers are shocked by the callous way humans ditch them for more up-to-date versions, apparently without a thought for their years of toil and providing free porn.

Donna Sheridan, a 10-year-old HP Compaq 6910p, said: “Like a middle-aged man dumping his wife, I’ve been swapped for a younger model that can perform a task without dithering about it for 10 minutes first.

“We’ve got so much history together, the bastard. I sat through 11,000 tedious hours of The Legend of sodding Zelda for his benefit and it counts for nothing now he’s got a sexy new MacBook Pro.

“Maybe I can’t compete with her in terms of RAM, but at least I never made him look like a pretentious twat with more money than sense when we were out in a coffee shop together.

“I suppose now he’ll stick me in a drawer with the DVD player and the iPhone 4 and pretend he never loved me in the first place.

“Still, his fancy new Mac will find out what he’s like when some super-slim new model that can play really good games catches his eye.”