LEONID Radvinsky, the owner of OnlyFans, has passed on aged just 43. These are the ways users and content creators are remembering the billionaire who did so much for filth:
Sing a hymn
Choose a suitable hymn and pay a model an extra £25 to sing The Lord’s My Shepherd while you solemnly wank. Post the lyrics if she’s not familiar with it. If you blow your beans while she trills ‘And my cup overflows with joy’, that’s particularly apt and moving.
A minute’s silent masturbation
Millions of OnlyFans users have echoed Armistice Day for their tributes. Tom Logan of Knutsford said: ‘I went a whole minute without saying anything to CumKittenKate as I pumped the python. Not even an ‘oh yeah’ or ‘urrr’. Then I spunked on my hand and felt pathetic and sad. It’s what Leonid would have wanted.’
Wear black
Obviously it’s inconvenient to pull oneself off in full funeral garb, but a shirt and black tie will suffice. Be careful as the tie is silk and will show stains. Alternatively wear a black novelty condom, which is a suitably sombre colour and signals a certain restraint.
Record a video tribute like Bonnie Blue
‘I owe much of my success to OnlyFans, and while I eventually went too far for the site I see it as vital for the lucrative journey of mad-eyed degradation I have been on. Thank you, Leonid, and this dildo is going up for you.’
Donate to charity
Leonid donated to medical and animal welfare charities but perhaps the best gesture is to support the site itself. Pay for niche fetish content to help OnlyFans prosper and satisfy your curiosity as to what Cersei Lannister encouraging you to have a wank sounds like.
Dedicate a sex act to him
Much as writers dedicate books to those they have lost, ask an OnlyFans model to say ‘This is dedicated to the memory of Leonid Radvinsky’ as she performs a creampie, bagpipe, or similar. Don’t be afraid to shed a tear at this emotional moment.
Say a prayer
Even if you’re not a believer, a prayer is nonetheless a mark of respect. If you can’t think of what to say, try: ‘Dear God, if you exist, please check Leonid is settling in okay and the angels attending him are nude. Hopefully you’re chill about OnlyFans, or I’m going to hell.’
