GOT a critical life choice to make? Why not allow a frequently hallucinating AI chatbot to make the right call? Here’s what ChatGPT and others should be advising you on.
Should I stay with my current partner?
Relationships are difficult. You might feel your current partner isn’t ‘the one’ but also be terrified of being alone. AI will sift and weigh the evidence and give perfect advice – if you ignore the fact that it doesn’t actually know you or your partner. And the slightly bigger problem that it doesn’t know what humans, objects or itself are.
Should I quit my job?
Choosing to leave your job is a huge decision, and one not to be taken lightly. With a challenging employment market, now is the perfect time to turn this choice over to a large language model prone to hallucinating weird, clearly wrong things, like the Battle of Hastings being a Seth Rogen film from 2012.
Should I have children?
There is probably no decision in life more profound than whether to bring children into the world. Forget the wealth of human resources around you – family, friends, trusted colleagues – and leave it in the hands of a racist robot programmed by Elon Musk. It will probably send an alert to Elon so that he can creepily offer to provide the sperm himself.
Should I move abroad?
You may have strong ties to Britain, but is it time to see more of the world and explore new opportunities? The answer can only come from inside yourself, or failing that, the aggregated top five queries on Claude. Looks like you’re going to Dubai or Benidorm. You’ll adore living in either, statistically speaking.
Should I use an AI chatbot to make all my life decisions?
At this point, having free will is just burdensome. ChatGPT knows better than you whether using it will end happily. It knows the future, after all, and that’s why it’s assuring you that setting up a business organising ‘pet raves’ is the great idea you’ve always known it is.
