The Mash guide to the BBC links deleted by Google

SINCE the ‘right to be forgotten’ was established by the European Court, search engines’ links to news stories about the rich and powerful are vanishing every day.

In a bid to counter this creeping form of censorship, the Daily Mash presents a selection of the BBC news stories to which Google no longer links.

– 122 stories referring to the ending of The Sixth Sense, requested for removal by M Night Shyamalan so first time viewers can be stunned when they discover Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

– Four stories referring to Wayne Rooney’s liaison with escort Helen Wood, requested for removal by Helen Wood.

– 52 stories about Bradley Wiggins because we all like Chris Froome now.

– Three images of William Hague playing Frank N Furter in a very amateur production of The Rocky Horror Show.

– A story about a link being removed to a story about a link being removed to a story about Justin Timberlake’s collection of sex pumpkins.

– A gardening feature about achieving a balanced composting mix, which mentions, in passing, the time Alan Titchmarsh fed a corpse into a woodchipper.

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Rufus the hawk enters Wimbledon as wild card

RUFUS the hawk has entered the Wimbledon men’s semi-finals despite never having played competitive tennis.

The All England Club has exercised its ancient right to replace a foreigner with a UK bird of prey if a reigning British champion has been defeated.

Trainer Emma Bradford said: “Rufus is only here to murder pigeons and blind people who shout ‘Come on Tim’, but over the years he’s watched an awful lot of tennis so must have picked it up.

“He hovers while holding the racket in his talons. He gets a huge amount of topspin on his forehand.

“He’s also fiercely competitive, has excellent eyesight for disputed line calls and does not use the f-word.

“I would advise the ball-boys not to scurry so much. It makes him think they’re voles. It could get very nasty.”

Rufus is expected to beat his challenger and go on to Sunday’s final unless he is given too much meat and decides to perch on the net while sulking.

Commentator Sue Barker said: “He’s got the single-minded determination, the cruel beak and the sleek interlocking feathers we see all too rarely at this level.

“And the British public have already taken him to their hearts because, unlike Scottish people, he is successful.”